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    Monday, 12 February 2018

    Jerera’s Zvitokwe Mukosi destroy two marriages in a day

    I have to admit it my dear readers, ndakarakashwa nemvura this week kumaGumtree kwanagu uko and had to rush to Jerera after hearing of two hot ones at this teeming Growth Point, dzirikutsviriridza.
    They used to say Zaka raanamagumbo rinopisa now the place has been invaded by the young ladies of the night who were displaced by the floods in Chivi during the construction of Tokwe Murkosi Dam, soon to be named a Lake.
    These young ladies were duly named after the giant water body after they invaded Jerera Growth Point in their numbers, there are called ZviTokwe Murkosi.
    Last week this Dzambadzamba guy who works for this hardware company where you can pay your Bil with Ecocash, swipe or cash whose totem is of madyira pazhe, chitova nedzevamwe, chipazhamongo. His first name is similar to one of Jesus' disciples who was said to be the rock of the church, light in complexion and tall and always drunk, mamuzivaka.
    Let's call him Petso in short. Petso took this small one Chitokwe Mukorsi chake chinonzi Pams or Pamulala or something like that as you know HOTH is not good with names from this popular bar called Matadi or Mutuda, he goes home hoping that his wife would be fast asleep.
    Unfortunately she was awake but baba nhiya hatina kuzviona because the light was on. Havo votekaira vakananga kuchurch which is just a stone's throw from their house.
    Bherengende kuvhura door remuchurch nechiTokwe Mukosi chake. The noise of the door attracted the attention of Petso's wife and she suspected that there were people who were up to no good and she waited for the program to start, kuti zvitange zvatanga.
    Little did she know that it was her husband who was enjoying the forbidden fruit with Pams. As she opened the church door, nemashura padunhu tiba, wanike ndibamfana.
    She was left powerless and headed home and packed everything in the house and left for her parents' place for good. As I put pen to paper Petso is now a bachelor because of Chitokwe Murkosi. Musha wakaparara pasina mahours, mumba hamuna kana chinhu it is literally a playing ground.
    And this other one is too much. There is this other old man, I mean old man retired, penjeniya akarehwa naCalisto Nyamhute in his hit song Pensioner where he says he is good for ever, nice and good and lunch time and I need one! Special meat, special meat!
    But mudhara usadaro iwe ungabva watiza neChitokwe Murkosi kwaakunovaka musha uchisiya mukadzi just because she suffered a stroke recently.
    The old man's name is similar to the day that we rest ratisingaindi kumunda which normally falls on a Wednesday or Thursday depending with the area that you come from. He is short and dark in complexion, he likes playing golf and draught/tsoro mwana wamudhara Growth Point ipapo paJerera.
    He answers to the totem Dube, manjenje, ganda revasikana, mbizi chimama mabuns.
    Penjeniya hoyo naMariiya this small Tokwe Murkosi which he snatched from Orphan Bar munonwira Nherera umu. Fortunately vazukuru could not have any of that as they went and collected the old man after having eloped with Mariiya to Maaareeraa Village.
    Mariiya only enjoyed the old man's pension for two months and it was over. The household they had built was razed down and looted after the old man was collected by his nephews.
    Dzimwevo dzakarumwa last two weeks iyo neChotokwe ruvoko gwakagugwa neChipiri chapfuura ichi gwanhuhwa gwavora achinyara kuinda kuchipatara.
    Pakadii apo pakanaka dhewa, makuhwa ngaatsve.gossip
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