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    Sunday, 12 February 2017

    Sergeant perfoms laundry after failing to pay sex worker


    OH MIGHTY sergeant, kuMusana Yenzou hakuendwi. Musagureyo! Oh yes, sergeant don't loiter in Mucheke at night! It's dangerous. They don't care you have a bar on your shoulder, that rank sign means nothing to them; vanotofunga kuti ishinda iri kurudukuka!
    Don't stray there alone! It's not as easy as the traffic duty. Vanokuwatyisai vasikana vaye!
    So there is this sergeant based at this Chikato Base. Ehezve kwaMucheke. Huge, a real giant and has an insatiable appetite for wrestling!
    By the way he stays at Nemamwa. As always he felt like having a match last week but his feeling came in the wrong place. He went into one of the bars in Mucheke Bus Rank. There are many submissive wrestlers (don't be cheated) there and he got one for 12 hours of the match. Baba angu Gudo!
    So he was asked to pay $20 kkkkk or 20 bond whichever was available as match fee, venue and appearance. Ko bond and US$ is one to one ka! Kkkkkkkk! Asi Governor Mangudhla!
    Iyo iya mari iya!
    Call this sergeant Jabu.
    Jabu asked to pay the fees at the end of the match. Forgets that at roadblocks fine is paid on the spot! Kkkk what goes around comes around. Kana usina kubhadhara haubvi!
    The uniform was neatly packed away in the wardrobe. The cap kkkkk found its place on the headboard, Varozvi vakapera nenda. Ndiko kugarikaka uku!
    It was a tight contest! Sergeant vakavata vachingofora! Wegona Chitova! Even Queen Nsinga conceded that it was one of the most ferocious matches in many years. And her room mates envied the match! By the way these girls stay four in a room.
    Makapona here naSergeant vasikana? Come dawn; Jabu had neither the appearance nor venue fee; baba vangu Dziva
    Then you realize that there is a sex worker, prostitute, hooker, hure and here was a garinya! Kkkkk Garinya baba!
    Sergeant at roadblocks we don't leave until we pay our dues. The same applies here, this is a universally applied rule, what is good for the goose must be good for the gander! Kkkk screamed the Queen Nsinga who appeared to be representing views of all Zimbabweans.
    The whole uniform set was locked away in the wardrobe. Ungazoti ndiyo iya inoshamisira naPastor Chihuri here? Jabu knelt and pleaded for mercy but the other three room mates would have none of that. Its 20bonds or you go back into the blankets. Ndipo paunoona kuti bond rakakosha! Kkkkkkk
    With tears rolling down his cheeks, he was ordered to wash the blankets that he slept on. With a piece of cloth around his waist he was shown a sink outside  and the laundry took place with hordes of neighbours gathered! 
    Muri mapurisa paroadblock hedu; kuChimusana hakuna sergeant.
    Thanks to this councilor who came and paid the 20 bond. Ehezve uyu councilor rinenge clown iri! Kkkkk wakadiiko mukoma Ndondorodzai? Wakaita hako. Ndopatriotism yatinogara tichitaura kumusangano!
    Musafamba muchingoRajaburika! Kuita Rajabu remunhu.

    Chihera girl bashed at Rothbart as she whistles married man
    Kkk vachihera muri bhoo here?  I mean this short stout, talkative 19-year-old of the ...totem. Ehe iwe muramu; imi amainini Kkkkkk.
    I am not talking of Nengomasha, the scintillating soccer player. Please get me right I mean this muramu who goes around snatching hubbies and declaring that she is the most beautiful feminine that ever strolled on Mother Planet.
    Eish, vakadzi vakanaka munovaziva imi?
    Yes Hoth is in Gweru at this Rothbart building. This Chihera girl was beaten to smithereens when she whistled at a married lover while he was in the company of his wife. Don't pretend please, you know this girl recently chucked out of this housing company at the 2nd Floor of Rothbart; ehezve padhuze ne Chicken Inn muGweru, yes light in complexion and stays in this uncommissioned suburb of Huni dzawanda kkkkkk Woodlands! Pwaati makadii zvenyu Amai Dr? Chasura!
    Ko achiiko here mastands kuKeil? Pwaati!
    So this man who works at this platinum mine whose name starts with a U was going down stairs with his heavily pregnant wife when this girl peeped through a door and tried to play a Nengomasha on the husband who is her secret lover. She whistled at the man but the wife also looked back, returned and wacked her big time. The angry woman impounded her cellphone and purse.
    Baba angu Dziva, yakanoperera paGweru Central!
    And why does this miner think he is alone when the wife is heavily pregnant? Ungaita Zindoga here when your wife has a bulging tummy and two other children at home? You are not alone, hauzi Zindoga, uri Nicholas kkkkkk! You are a Nicholas my man. And remember Ashley is one of the nicest names ever! Nhaka zvangu nemafloods!gossip
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