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    Friday, 22 July 2016

    HOTH samples Gweru’s top 20 playboys

    PFACHA-PFACHA muGweru tapinda. He-e Hoth haasviki kuno, he-e Hoth ndewe Masvingo, he-e Hoth tamupedza Kwaaaa!
    Makambokupa gungwa nezvipunu imi? Mungarigona?
    Hatidi vanhu vanoti kana vaguta sadza voita manyawi kkkkk. Nhasi zvangu Chasura!
    Oh yes, it's true, Hoth is right here in Gweru. The City, sitting on the country's watershed. By the way that's why it is Zimbabwe's coldest.
    Gweru is the coldest yet the warmest place for Casanovas. Ehezve I mean playboys! Vatambi! Masvingo haisviki hedu. The city has an oversupply of pleasure, what with a University that carries 24 000 students; 16 000 of them young girls singing ripe and ready, ripe and ready, ripe and ready!
    Hezvoko, advert iya ka Dr Mahoso!
    The place is notorious or is it famous for its love stories! No notorious, there are men who prey on children, taking advantage of their poverty.
    Gweru has 20 playboys who have made headlines on social media. Ehe maita mbiri vakomana! The town is abuzz with your names! Kana iyo economy yacho ingasumuka sei vanhu vachingotevedza machira Kwaaaa?
    Heee mu Masvingo tina Rasta nhingi naRasta nhingi, neiyi Shumba yokuzonogadzira accident damaged cars kuZvishavane, neuyu Rastazve wemalocks ake uyu wemitambo yemafilm (theatre) ehezve gono mukabwizve, kana newe chikomana chemamaira haukwani, yes make them three, four, seven Miles kwaaa!.
    And even a park like caravan would not compare to Gweru guys. Oh yes park as many girls as you can, whether fro the local University or Poly kwaa!
    Your games are a picnic, boys. Go to Gweru and see real players!
    How are you DJ Mupisi? Hoth places you at number one. But you can't do that Mupisi.....going to the extent of drugging a girl just so that you can have nice time! I hear you are now studying music at University, riri kupasika here dhindindi? And how is it at your Bahadur hangout?
    And at number 2 is this maparts omu Harare! Kwaaa! Instead of being a spare parts company manager you are now a pleasure manager. Musadaro mhofu. Tototya kutuma madzimai edu kuzotenga maparts emota! How is the silver BMW pamaKaranga pamusika apo!
    For Harare Parts go to Harare.....kwaa!
    Number 3. And there is this boy with an obscene surname, oh yes this one who once went to Guinea Fowl and then Christian College and now is overseas for studies. Yes, Richard Chikedeya. Please leave school pupils alone. There is now a very bad law protecting minors! Zvokwadi unoenda kujere iwe. Dont use your parents' money for pleasure.
    Aaaaaa hands up to Shabba Ranx. You are at number 4 Jamaican boy. I mean this Shurugwi miner who owns a fleet of cars. Wapenga nayo Jonasi Kwaa. Siya vana vepaThornhill iwe. There is an organisation in Masvingo called Regai Dzive Shiri!
    Anchoring the top five is Patrick Econet. Uri seiko hako?
    The rest in the order of performance are 6. Giri Ndanga popularly known as Seize, 7. Shabhiri notoriously called the mechanic, 8. Totsa Totsa Katimazondo, 9.Totsa Totsa Musiiwa, 10. Patch maphone, 11. Auther (Bahudur) 12. DJ Bla blah Bling, 13.Dzikamai, 14. Dakadaka Mimosa, 15. Batsi, 16. Emmanuel Bahudur, 17. Chingwadza and at number 18. is Mhofu yoMukono.
    Hoth shall be profiling their adventures and escapades one by one in the coming weeks.
    Spare parts manager kuri sei?

    Mwenezi head takes over teacher whose hubby is in Diaspora
    There you are, Chef Malegs. Oh yes I mean this school head by the name Malegs who drives a Toyota Fun Cargo and is pirating even during school hours.
    Yes this head of is it Bagwe or Banga Primary School in Mwenezi anyway that's the man.
    The whole community is shaking. How dare you, how can you...?
    Dzakadiiko zhou? How can you fall in love with an elephant nhai Mr Malegs? This is going to be an Elephant story when the hubby comes back from South Africa where he is trying to put pieces together!
    Zvokwadi kuchamanyiwa! Kuti wakaita sei.....? Kwaaa!
    Yes Malegs is in love with a lady by the name Huge Elephant, kkkkk and the hubby is busy trying to make ends meet for the family. Baba vangu shoko imi, munda wapera nemakunguo kuno!
    So Malegs has entered such a comfort zone that he has created a small empire for himself. Yes many school heads have their little empires out there....unotomuona head during the week ari muGweru zvake achitotakura matanda okuvaka imba yake. Oh yes its true, all the way from Masvingo to Gweru with a school truck and conducting private business. Varozvi vakapera nenda!
    And Malegs has now made Large Elephant his deputy. Yes large elephant is deputy head. Just imagine! Wakananzvei nhai malegs? What did your tongue lick? Wegona Chitova!
    Now Large Elephant runs the office and commands other teachers left right and centre as Malegs is busy pirating.
    But please just respect that office, especially around 430pm. Please musajairira office yebasa kusvika ipapo! Unotoita strip tease, mati pai....?
    Tick tock tick tock! Watch the clock. Chine manenji hachifambisi!
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    Item Reviewed: HOTH samples Gweru’s top 20 playboys Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Webmaster
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