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    Thursday, 3 January 2019

    Council executive snatches married man


    Wonders shall never end! While some were busy feasting at the just ended Zanu PF annual jamboree, a Gwanda Town Council senior female executive was busy enjoying the forbidden fruit with a notorious married man from Jacaranda Township. Puu inja.
    Hoo so you were doing this with the belief that HOTH will never visit this mining town. How mistaken you were, this year we are closing the year with you my friend from the Council. Yes you all know this woman who used to dish out stands like confetti until the big bosses said enough is enough pack your bags pronto and leave.
    This woman does not only give stands she likes the horizontal business such that she has snatched this man for good.
    She answers to this long name and the surname is Shumba Murambwi in Shona or if you want let’s call her by her real name, Nomatasanqa Shibanda.
    She is head over heels with this man who has a name similar to the former world boxing champion who at one time bit off a chunk of Holyfield’s ear and his surname is also familiar like one of the political parties’ spokesman, you may want to call him Mayo for lack of a better word. He lost the elections in the just ended plebiscite to a Zanu PF candidate, he wanted to be a councillor. May be he wanted to go into council in order to reinstate his girlfriend, sorry cde, things don’t work out that way, you can’t have your cake and eat it at the same time.
    The man is very cunning, all the money that Shibanda made by illegally selling stands he would invest in business, he runs a restaurant near a shop which specialises in DStv installations.
    Mayo’s wife teaches in the rural areas and the story becomes juicer and juicer.
    He does not only make money from the restaurant, he uses his wife as well.
    The wife is a bitch to say the least, she sleeps around with any man who cares, and she was caught in the act by Mayo last month with the son of this Bozzo who owns a shopping mall in town where the third biggest mobile service provider has an office, ‘tell someone’ and the young man paid handsomely enjoying the low lying fruits.
    He paid in greenbags, yes in USA dollars for hiding the sausage with a married bitch. Mayo was smiling all the way to the bank, little did the young man know that this was a hatched plan.
    The following week he caught her with this guy who drives a white VW Golf and he had to sell his house to pay for ‘damages’, my foot.
    In the rural areas where she is the rabbi the woman was caught pants down with the headman by Mayo and he paid three beasts plus four he goats, that’s Mayo for you. Partners in crime.

    ED fined $240 for stealing Strawberry wine

    Chivhu mudhara zvakare. HOTH could not resist this one, haiite kusiya especially kana topendera gore kudai vanhu vanoda kumwira mwira nehama neshamwari.
    But you can’t get drunk nezvekuba guys, even kumaGumtree uko we don’t survive on stolen items.
     Iyo nyaya yekuda zvinonaka usina mari siyana nayo ED, you thought because you are gay they would forgive you hakuna zvakadaro. The gay guy stays in GOPE Location and it was on Monday when this happened in the farming settlement of Chivhu, Makati zii zvamo mutawindi amwe asekuru hatched a plan to steal Strawberry wine, the sweet one, kohanditi mugay so he wants to drink lady like drinks to complete the equation.
    He is one of the few gays in town and he goes by the name ED Chakwi, he swings the buttocks as he/she walks and is always in the company of Vampires, ehe mahure emuChivhu aya, zvitsvuku izvi. The thigh vendors are vampires for real.
    ED hangs around Vampires in order to get enough training on how to handle men in bed, nhasi zvangu naGushungo. Kurisei kublue roof. ED hovers around Nice Time Bar, Cross Roads and Dzoka Uyamwe.
    So the story is, on this fateful Monday ED went into Spar and picked a bottle of Strawberry wine little did he know kuti CCTV yaimuona apo shasha payakangoti nyengu ndiye dzvii nevakomana.
    They told him/her that pay $240 or woinda kuchizarira, pakaita chipatapata kutsvaka mari. Thanks to the Vampires they quickly raised the money Mr Gay paid for the loot and he was a freewo/man.
    Before the payment was made there was drama as passers-by thronged the supermarket to have a glimpse of the slut who likes it from the sewage, kumanyowa puu Door Tea.
    See you next year, behave well, it is not HOTH’s intention to expose people, only trying to preserve the little that is left of our morals.
    Drive safely as you go to see your loved ones wherever they are.
    Till next year makuhwa ngaatsve!

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