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    Thursday, 26 May 2016

    VID’s uncouth woman inspector falls head over heels with bus driver





    HOTH is here to stay! Any celebrations that Hoth is gone, would go; eeish, that's broad daylight hallucination! Hold your horses. The absence was just sabbatical Kkkk!
    He-e Hoth tichamupedza, he-e Hoth wapera kwaaa.
    Baba vangu Mhokore imi! Munotaura Hoth watinoziva tese here imi?
    Mungarikupa nei gungwa? Mocherereizve njanji inounza zvinodiwa nevanhu?
    Sika –sika netumugwaku, tea spoons netumafoshora kuwisa gomo? Asi Macheso!
    Pfacha –pfacha ndadzoka! Maiti waenda! Yes Hoth is back and back with a boo-oom like a bomb.
    Makadiiko pa Venereal In Disease apo? Oh yes I mean this little place that is just off Harare  Masvingo Road where you get little drums, little cars and these mean looking men and women in uniforms who think they are some kinds of gods.
    Kkkkk hamusi! You are mere mortals, sniffing out God's poor little creatures of their hard earned cash. Muri matsotsi vakomana navasikana!
    Tick- tock-tick-tock watch your clock. Kwaaa!
    And there is this woman at the Veneral In Disease (VID) place.
    The roughest woman who ever walked on earth, rude, uncouth, unpleasant, vulgar, foul mouthed discourteous! Ehezve chikobvu ichi chinoita sechakabva musango ichi.
    Call her Vhavhu; ane dzungu munhu iyeye!
    Indeed she once stayed with baboons and monkeys in the mountains. There are no such persons in this side of the country!
    Kwahi chakazowanavo love zve. Yes it's true. Vhavhu is dating this bus driver from this cross border bus company. Hanzi chapengeswa nadriver webhazi. Wakadiiko hako Joze, akadiiko macros border buses? Kkkkkkk!
    But Joze haikona kuraravozve nemwana mubus iwe! Find a nice place even though she is desperate.
    Oh yes Tenda hako, oh yes Tenda kana wasvika Joburg. How are the Tenda, Kugara Kunzwanana, Kuwirirana Bus Services! Kkkkkkk
    And Hoth knows this bus company no longer gets road tickets. Ehezve ravakunzu bus ratezvara Kkkkkk! If a driver gets a ticket, he will just call Vhavhu wherever she is and all processes will freeze! Kwaaa.
    You mean you don't know this woman I am talking about? I mean this woman of the moyo totem. Ehezve haabvi kuno kwedu ku Masvingo, unobva KuMash Central uko kwana Border Gezi, Manyika, Kasukuwere and Dofora and Manners Kkkkkk.
    Imi hamuione character yacho kuti haisi yobwo? Ndeye Moza!
    But honestly how can a half fool come all the way from there to cause sleepless nights to peace loving, harmonious and civilised people here? Tiringindi and your gang of demonstrators where are you?
    Ehezve if you want to go to Vhavhu's rural home you board a bus paMucheke apa, vhuu paMbare, kwire rimwe cho-cho-cho naro Bindura, wotsvagazve rimwe tande naro Mt Darwin, svike Mt Darwin Komu kurudyi wonanga Rushinga, wosiya musha waKasukuwere paruboshwe apa wonanga pasi, gumagadziko enyika uko.
    Before you get to Rushinga there is this totally backward farming area called Chesa, ehezve where James Makamba, yes the man who no longer stays in the country was born.
    Ko munodzoka riniko nhai DJ JCJ? We miss you Kkkkkk!
    You then turn left as if you are going to Karanda Hospital for all diseases except backwardness of course!
    Perched on the left of a dust road is the place where this social anathema was born and bred. Yes in that little bushy farm far away from civilisation is where Vhavhu went to school; if ever she did.
    She has this nauseating thuggish behaviour and was once linked to a shareholding of a company which is in direct conflict with her organisation. She is vulgar, uncouth and unprofessional! She shouts at trainee drivers in public, drawing the attention of everyone.
    She is vigorously militant and excretion comes from her mouth. KKkkkkk.
    Hoth, for all his lack of etiquette would want to find out from the chefs at Venereal In Diseases whether there is any work ethic at that place?
    Did the bosses there ever come across something like service charter? Is it too technical for them to read about client charter or public relations? Pooh that place is stinking with abuse of rights of potential drivers!
    Hoth also wants to ask the chefs up there in Harare whether corruption has become the norm at that place. The place is stinking with corruption and Hoth will vouch that every driver who gets a licence pays a bribe.
    Ko kuti kunyepa here? Everyone knows it. No bribe no licence! Kkkkkk! $150 for the lowest rate KKKKK!
    Tonzi vanaMafirekureva isu! Tinozvitaura, Kkkkkkkk!
    And now Vhavhu is in love and many people say the tantrums are fewer. Oh yes varume vanodzikamisa. Dzimwe hasha dziya kushaya murume Kkkkk!
    Maslow's hierarchy of needs; one of them has been missing!
    Sex; sex; sex!
    Kkkk vapeiwo veduwe!
    Very soon you will be herding home Vhavhu wonotamba chikudo uri ikoko kwachinobvumirwa! Not here in Masvingo!
    Vhavhu muhari kkkk Vhavhu Mugate! Ooops nhaka zvangu!
    Tick tock tick tock!
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